…and then I found 5 dollars.

From Cynopsis:

Casting Note: If you think you, or someone you know has Spidey sense … oh and a great rock singing voice, then this is the call they’ve been waiting for.  Casting for several roles for the new Broadway musical Spider-Man, directed by Julie Taymor and featuring music and lyrics by Bono and The Edge, will take place in NYC on July 28 (10a-5p) at The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard Street.  Here is who they are looking for:  Peter Parker (male, 16-20s); Mary Jane (female 16-20s); Principal woman (female 25-35) a world music type, “think Sinead O’Connor with a Middle Eastern/Bulgarian/Greek twist,” all accents and ethnicities welcome for this role.  If you plan to attend you should prepare 16 bars of a pop/rock song that shows your singing range, bring sheet music and a photo/resume (if you have one.)

So I happen to already have my own Spider-Man costume, does that get me anything?  Plus I know that singing on broadway is just glorified Karaoke.  “Rock singing voice?”  Come on.  If Jack White can do it, so can I.  Although I’m not really interested in a co-star that’s bald.

I decided to write a short movie about waiting in line last night to get a drink at the movie theater. But I’m pretty sure it’d be feature length.

THE WAITING

By Lev Gartman

INT MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 11:10PM.

Roughly 20 people wait in 3 separate lines outside a movie concession stand. A CONCESSION STAND WORKER(male, 35) with abnormally low IQ works the concession stand at the movie theater. A small, but manageable line forms in front of him. At the counter are a YOUNG COUPLE(male and female, 30s) on a date. Behind them are GOTH TEEN 1(female, 20) and GOTH TEEN 2(female, 20). GOTH TEEN 1 has long black hair and lots of piercings. And is shockingly ugly, but hey, thats probably why she’s goth. When was the last time you actually looked at their face instead of at the ground, scared? GOTH TEEN 2 is also shockingly ugly, but has her hair up and tight in what can be described as “an accident”. Behind them waits SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN(male, 24) with his hands in his pockets. And up walks MEATHEAD(male, 25) and DECENTLY ATTRACTIVE GIRL WHO IS TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR MEATHEAD, CONFUSING SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN(female, 20). The Marquee reads “AWFUL MOVIE 2: YOU MUST HAVE COME WITH A LARGE GROUP AND HAD NO PREFERENCE - 11:15PM”.

CONCESSION STAND WORKER waits on YOUNG COUPLE. They ad lib dialogue. Doesn’t really matter if it has anything to do with conducting a snack food purchase.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 11:15 PM

None of the characters have moved. There is progress between CONCESSION STAND WORKER

and YOUNG COUPLE. GOTH TEEN 3(female, 20) and GOTH TEEN 4(male, 20) enter, and get in line with GOTH TEEN 1 and 2. Ugly quotient is upped. GOTH TEEN 3 blends into the background, as one does when there are too many people in one area trying to be ‘unique’. GOTH TEEN 4 (Male) kicks GOTH TEEN 2 in the leg.

GOTH TEEN 4
Hello!

GOTH TEEN 2
Ow!

GOTH TEEN 2 punches GOTH TEEN 4. GOTH TEEN 4 punches GOTH TEEN 2. This goes on for a while. SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN continues to wait, even though he was cut in line, because they probably won’t order anything. Oh, and GOTH TEEN 4 has a mohawk, and I’m sorry, it looks stupid. SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN remembers that he should not judge.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 11:20PM

FRIEND OF SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN walks out of theater to see if SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN is still on line. He is. YOUNG COUPLE has completed their transaction and GOTH TEEN 1 orders.

FRIEND OF SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN
You really want that soda, don’t you?

SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN
Now its more the principle of the thing.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 11:30PM

CONCESSION MANAGER (male, 30) opens a new register.

CONCESSION MANAGER
I’ll take whoever is next in line.

MEATHEAD runs over to the line while DECENTLY ATTRACTIVE GIRL WHO IS TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR MEATHEAD, CONFUSING SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN is not looking. She follows him several beats later, when he yells:

MEATHEAD
What do you want!?!?

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 11:55PM

GOTH TEEN 1 and 2 have ordered, and taken their candy to the movie theater. SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN is not surprised when GOTH TEENS 3 and 4 also order. Separately. Mohawk still looks stupid.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 12:10AM

GOTH TEEN 4 orders a popcorn. CONCESSION STAND WORKER who is working on his GED (I don’t mean at this point in his life, I mean right this very instant) eventually brings the popcorn to him. GOTH TEEN 4 gets overly excited at black nail polish and knocks his popcorn all over the concession stand register. CONCESSION STAND WORKER begins the process of getting him another one.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 12:40AM

Each GOTH TEEN manages to hold all of their food items upright and go to see GET SMART. The jig is up. SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN steps up to the counter.

LOGLINE: Atlanta 12:55AM

CONCESSION STAND WORKER comes back from wherever the hell he was. You know when you look at someone and they just look dumb? He looks like that.

SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN
(abruptly, while holding out a 5 dollar bill, which he never moves from plain sight of himself and CONCESSION STAND WORKER) I’ll take a small freeze, half coke, half wild cherry.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 1:05AM

CONCESSION STAND WORKER
We’re out of wild berr…

SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN
What else ya got?

CONCESSION STAND WORKER
We’ve got strawber…

SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN
Do it.

LOGLINE: Atlanta, 1:25AM

The CONCESSION STAND WORKER places the drink on the counter.

CONCESSION STAND WORKER
That will be five dollars.

SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN waves the five dollar bill, remembering that sometimes if you hold things very still they will disappear from vision. He assumes this is the only possible explanation for holding a five dollar bill in someone’s face for a half hour, and then having them ask you for it. SHORT HAIRY JEWISH MAN grabs his drink and a straw just in time to see his friends coming out of the theater, as the movie is over.

THE END.

A brochure for brochures at the doctors office.

- Posted using MobyPicture.com

Here’s the video we created for the 48 Hour Film Festival. Much props to the cast, comprised mostly of my improv class, and the incredible crew, who made it once again, an awesome weekend.

There were some amazing videos, and as soon as I find them, I will link to them.  I can’t do them justice by trying to describe them here.  Just like the rest of my stories.

I’ve been meaning to jot a few random notes down here, but I’ve been swamped lately with the 48 Hour Film Project, another video shoot I’m doing for work, and oh yeah, then I also have a real job, and they expect me to be doing all sorts of things for the summer series on TNT, as well as my normal responsibilities. The real job part I can totally handle. No problem. But its really starting to cut down on my free time.

Today I’m sitting in an editing suite while we finish Editing and Audio for the 48 Hour Film Project which we shot (and wrote) this weekend. So far its looking really great, and we’re doing great on time. But I got here at 8AM ON A SUNDAY, and since I’m directing and not doing the editing or audio mixing, I figure I’ve got some time to write.  So here comes all the stuff I wanted to write about this weekend, but never had the time.

Because we were filming this weekend, and its a big elaborate project that needs a lot of planning, I was fighting a cold for the entire week. And it caught up to me this weekend. Today I have no voice. I’m pretty sure the woman who was walking her dogs in the park this morning, that asked me how old Elwood was, and didn’t hear me say ‘He’s a puppy’, even though I tried to whisper it loudly 3 or 4 times, thinks that I was deaf. I have a shoot Monday that I’m acting in, and its going to be interesting, because I’m not so sure I’ll be able to deliver any lines.

The film looks great.  I’m not just saying that because I directed it.  I’m also saying it because I helped to write and shoot it.  And holy jeez we had a great time shooting it.  So look forward to some more videos cast with my improv group, as this one was.  The screening is Tuesday night at 7 (doors open @ 6:30) at the Midtown Arts Cinema.  Come show some love.  Although I might not be able to audibly speak to you.  But I will try to show my appreciation in wild hand gestures and possibly interpretive dance.

I watched My Boys on TBS on Tuesday, and am now officially convinced to DVR it every week and watch it for 2 reasons.  1) its funny.  2) they ripped a joke directly from my childhood.  The best news: you can just watch the full episode online here, instead of me trying to explain it.  Watch the Dinner Party episode, and pay attention to FHB.  Family Hold Back.  We definitely did that, and called it exactly the same thing, and in the same fashion.  The rest of the episode is pretty good too.  Scott, you’re welcome for the google juice.

Ok, well maybe Baby Kuper doesn’t have thumbs yet, I’m not really sure.  But Carly is preggers, I’m going to be an uncle!  (For real this time.  Ryan, Leah, and Hannah are actually cousins.)

Carly took all the right vitamins so there’s a nice little lava lamp and a disco ball in there.  And as soon as Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy (temporary name) develops eyeballs and a white leisure suit, I’m sure he or she will appreciate them even more.   Can’t wait to meet you!

Its 1:30 AM, so I guess that means its time to change my wordpress theme. Oh, right. Blogs need posts.

I just got back from New York, this weekend, where TNT was nice enough to put me up for a few days in Times Square to enjoy the ProMax convention. Its a marketing and promotions and post-production convention. I went to some seminars, Seth McFarlane spoke, twas a good time. I saw a couple of great spots while there. Check em out.

Here’s one that was presented to bring up the importance of good word choice:

The song, Holy Shit by Centralia, is awesome.

Same lesson learned from this promo:

And I don’t really know how I stumbled upon this, but next chance I get I’m going to give a shot to making one of these for some blues brothers dialog.

Ok, I have to go.  Its 1:45 AM and Caroline just challenged me to a Fresh Prince of Bel Air quiz!

Can dogs secretly do drugs? If so, I’m going to argue that Elwood is on them. My dog is on drugs.

This is what I came home to last night:

I throw all my dirty laundry in a pile on my floor. Elwood went and picked them all out, and then chewed them all up. So maybe my dog isn’t on drugs, but he certainly has some sort of foot fetish.

Well, now that its settled that my dog is not on drugs, I went and gave Jake and Elwood their heartworm and flea prevention goop. Its a liquid that gets poured between their shoulder blades so they can trip doggy balls. Which makes sense, because when I do it they take off their collars and start to lick things like the walls and the carpet and each other.

This very instant, Elwood has two tennis balls in his mouth (not side by side, mind you, one is further down his throat than the other) and he’s still trying to fit a rubber bone in there, too. Intervention time.

This is going to make it very difficult for me, let alone others, to take my career seriously.

- Posted using MobyPicture.com

So I did improv Saturday night with some members of my class, some members of other classes, and some alumni. It was a lot of fun, and I got some laughs. I made a vow to never try to re-tell improv stories, because I found out pretty quickly they’re prime “and then I found 5 dollars” candidates. So I guess that doesn’t include video proof.

Here’s the Student Showcase portion of the show. Enjoy!